I have been in the sea every day that I can which has been magical as it is so warm that we don’t need a wetsuit. The tingly feeling of walking into the sea then diving under takes my breath away and fills my heart every time. It is always so special to swim with the dogs. I feel so lucky to be able to do this and for them to want to swim with me is a joy as I feel part of the pack. When my head is under the water it really is the muffled life bubble as I am hidden away from the ‘real’ world. Hiding under the sea. Beneath the waves. It is a whole different reality.

The worries that I hold when I am home on the mainland are not lurking. I can just ‘be’ and that is a good feeling that I am lucky to be able to do.

My mum has been really worried the past few weeks as she finally got given a date to get her knee fixed. She is 80 this year and has had sore knees for years but it has got to the point now that she is fed up not being able to do the things that she wants so she got herself on the waiting list. The operation is today. The original plan was for me to drive up to Inverness with mum and dad to be with her and help then drive her home again. This was all good and I was changing my plans to be able to do this. However, the hospital called as they had somehow messed up the dates and they put it back a few weeks to today. Unfortunately, there was no way for me to get off the island as the ferries are all full and so were the flights. Luckily my sister was able to step in and meet them in Inverness so she would be there for mum if she needs anything and distract dad while the op was happening. She is currently with dad in a book shop looking at maps and old books.

It is also lovely for Fiona and dad to spend time together. I feel blooming lucky that I have such a wonderful sister as she has two young children at home and lives miles away on Orkney so to get the ferry and drive down to Inverness is not something she could do at the drop of a hat. She is brilliant and she is there for mum and dad so I can stay in my own island bubble for another few days.

The love of being in and under the sea is one that both my mum and Fiona have too. There is something about the draw of the ocean that makes us both want/need to get in. It is hard to describe but for me it is almost like a craving. Even if I am only in for a few minutes I still feel re set. Awake. Revitalised. There are so many times that I have been beside the sea. Just the dogs and myself. I look at them and we just go in together.

Pure joy.

Pure happiness.

Pure freedom.

Maybe I just have more water flowing through my veins that I should which is why I am drawn to the sea or maybe it is because of the big tides just now. Who knows. I am not going to over think it and will enjoy the sea as it is. Especially as it is one of the few things that I get really excited about and look forward to.

Freedom in the sea.

Thank you for reading to the end x

https://www.tyreegin.com

https://tireemusicfestival.co.uk

“It is just too steep. I AM 24 you know. My knees say no”

Betsy rolled her eyes and laughed as she is also 24 and walked down the steep bit of the track wonderfully elegantly with no problem and with no drama.

Ella the Labrador helped by being back up from behind. Harry was missing in action as he got distracted by something gross to eat down by the river in the big barn.

Meanwhile Daisy is laughing her head off at our shenanigans and taking photos as she would have flown over this minor dip in the track if it was on a course.

The joys of ponies ❤️

It all began with the decision to ride as it felt like obviously the wind was never, ever going to drop again so we had to ride anyway and set off for a wee hack down and along the river.

I am sure you know by now that I hate riding in the big wind so I spent the time talking nonsense to Daisy and ignoring the loud wind howling through the grasses, hedges and trees.

We got as far as the bridge at the bottom of the farm when we realised we had lost Harry the black lab. We turned back and saw him in the dark depths of the ‘big barn’. I didn’t want to drag the ponies in there in case they stood on something sharp. I also thought Brodie would just eat something gross like Harry was. We left Harry to it. He is a bit deaf and was probably ignoring us shouting for him to come anyway.

We went back up the hill and through ‘The big puddle’. This is where the burn runs over a track and is over your wellies deep so fun for the ponies. Again Betsy walked through beautifully. Brodie decided this was fun and stood splashing the water everywhere. I was laughing with him and we were both soaked. “Come on mum!” Shouted Daisy.

Up the hill we went with Brodie grabbing stems of long grass as we went. He obviously has to keep his strength up for the extreme steep hill 🙄

That’s when we came to the steep dip. More laughter. More shenanigans. More “come on mum!”

I love it.

Until next time. Love from me and Brodie x

I do not need to say it but what a confusing Summer we are having so far with the weather. One minute it is torrential rain with thunder roaring and lightning flashing.

The next few days we are having an extreme boil up where the southern half of the UK was suffering and melting in the heat. All this followed up with the wind. It is all so extreme. I know. I always forget that Summer in Scotland is Summer in Scotland and we get rain, wind, snow, thunder and occasional days with sunshine and roses. It is just that…well. I was really looking forward to the long sunny days.

It has been a busy week so far with one of the brothers over to visit with his wee girl. He was meant to be over to rest after an operation but I think he left just as tired as he was when he arrived. His wee girl is a joy. Pure happiness in a bundle of 2 year old. I think he forgot though that she doesn’t stop unless she is asleep. She kept up with the dog walks, BBQ’s and dominoes so fair play to her as she has the same stamina to party as her dad!

We also sat and watched the barn owls going in and out of the owl box on the big Oak tree one evening. They were feeding their young and it was such a joy to watch them silently fly in and out. It was reported that I look like a minion when I tried to see them close up with my mums old binoculars. I really do have my own sense of style these days!

I think that I will forget about riding the ponies today as it is now pouring with rain as well as blowing a gale. They will be happy enough in their field with their field shelters getting a day off from me. Especially as I have the wind discombobulation feelings running through me. Not a good mix with ponies. Especially the lovely long legged Chelsea who is wonderfully sensitive.

Yes, a day for writing, dog walking and sorting everything for heading off to Tiree on Saturday. We are off for two weeks which I am looking forward to but also dread in a way as I don’t like leaving the ponies for too long. Luckily Daisy is here on the farm for most of the two weeks. She is joining us with her friends for the music festival next weekend so the ponies will be well looked after and ridden on lots of hill hacks and down by the river to keep them happy. I just don’t really like leaving them too long but I am sure they will not notice that I am away.

Right. Focus. I am off now to take the dogs up the hill before I get distracted again!

Thank you for reading my ramblings to the end.

It does feel quite mad when I think about the winter now. It seems so long ago but also around the corner again. However, even though this surprises me every year it happens year in year out. One would have thought that I would have got the hang of the seasons by now.

This is probably why I have mixed feelings about the Summer solstice today as it means that the days are going to start getting shorter again and this brings a slight glimmering grey sense of dread to my gut.

However, with that in mind it also is a reminder to enjoy every single dam day for the next few months and to remind myself to enjoy the summer life. Deal with the muddy winter when it comes around in its own time. The winter has its own beauty which I adore but I absolutely want to (need to) breathe in the summer while it is here.

Every ray of sunshine

Every time I get to feel the heat of the sun on my arms.

Every swim in the river.

Every swim in the sea.

Every time it is warm enough to wear shorts and a T shirt at the same time not just shorts with 23 jumpers and a jacket but ‘proper’ summer clothes!

Every time I get to ride in a T shirt

The simple things but I must remind myself of the joy of the sunshine.

We went to the best spot on the island last night to watch the sun set. It is always magical to watch the huge sun drop down over the horizon and watch for the green flash. Especially when it is solstice time.

We have been in Tiree for the weekend which is always the best treat. It was also a treat to bring my mum with us for the weekend as she has not been out to see the house that we have built so it was lovely for her to share the island with us for a couple of days. She loves it here and does not want to leave. She found a rock in the shape of a heart which is proudly sitting in the back seat of the car at the moment like a little piece of the island that is billions of years old sitting with his seatbelt on.

Mum has the same love of the sea as I do. There is something in our bones and waters that make us want to go in every time we are there so it was a joy to go onto the beach with her and get the salty, sandy sea on our faces and in our bones. A top up until the next time I am back on the island in a couple of weeks. A top up of sandy, salty sea joy.

Again - a reminder to enjoy the ride and every moment the sun is shining. Pure happiness.

Thank you for reading to the end and enjoy the longest day wherever you are in the world. With love from here to you and yours x

I got back in the car and continued on. I had never gone past Glenshee before to the other side. It really did feel as if I had gone through Alice in Wonderland’s looking glass as when I started the descent down the mountain the landscape started to become greener and greener. The trees began to appear around each corner until I was in a different land. It was similar but yet so different. A different world and of course there are the castles of Braemar and Balmoral. They certainly bring an air of grace and beauty to the area.

On and on I drove to find the magic field. When I arrived (after getting slightly lost as I usually do!) it was absolutely wonderful to meet The Red Mare and her crew in person.

There were four of us meeting up for the weekend where Tania hosted us along with her amazing horses - Phoeny, Florence, Tern and Clova. We have all got to know each other over the past 6 or 7 months as we meet up as part of a larger group of ten once a week online. We have the connection with each other of horses and the intention of becoming better people for not only ourselves but importantly for our horses too.

Connection is the key word as we felt it between us all from the moment we met. This then enabled us to throw off the usual shackles and dive deep into the weekend as we could trust the process.

We managed to do so much in our three days away with each other. Writing, liberty with Clova the Connemara, walking Phoeny and Tern through the woods while singing to them, learning bodywork from Eric with the horses, magic from the horses on a massage bed and of course the horses showing us their standing still Olympics and how the place of peace works.

There was much more to this weekend than it just being a weekend away. Laughter, tears, dogs, hens, drams, tail swishing and so much more but I will keep these as memories for ourselves in the group. Nobody need know about my tail swishing 😂

The glue that held this weekend together is of course the wonderful Tania and The Red Mare. They truly are incredible and it was such a privilege to be able to spend time with them.

Memories were made that I will treasure and friendships made that will last.

Today we have had heavy rain, thunder and lightning but Daisy and I did manage to get a wee adventure hack in with Betsy and Brodie down by the river and a canter in the field which was fun. Every day we are just edging out the comfort zone over the summer as the winter will be back again before we know it but I do not want to think about that just now!

Thank you for reading to the end x

The house build is pretty much done so this is the fun part of filling it up with furniture, measuring for curtains and hanging pictures up. Also - a lot of hoovering. The stoory dust from the last lick of paint got everywhere. I even wiped the leaves off our lucky plant that has survived over the years in the old caravan while we built.

Lots of lovely long walks on the beach were in order for Ella. There is something about the sea air and the ocean that re sets my soul. I love it. The miles of empty beaches and the huge skies are so different to the hills at home. We have the quiet open spaces on the farm but no sea. Tiree has the quiet open spaces no hills and plenty of ocean! I am so lucky to get the best of both worlds.

We brought our bikes with us with the intention of cycling to the distillery for a couple of Tiree gins as there is a lovely short cut through the fields. Of course, it was bucketing down with rain when we had agreed to meet our neighbour to go for our wee gin session. However, we went for it anyway. Rain doesn’t melt you and there is the reward of a gin cocktail when we get there so I sped off grinning or maybe it was grimacing as we cycled into the cold wet rain. Thank goodness for electric bikes as it was so much fun flying up the dunes and up the hill. We got to the distillery and entered the bar absolutely dripping only to find that it was filled up and bustling which was brilliant.

We made our way back home for corn on the cob and steaks on the BBQ. It is always easier on the way home (especially after a raspberry gin cocktail and a G&T)

When you mix rain with sunshine nature gives rainbows and we were treated to a stunning rainbow sitting above a house in the distance. I do love a rainbow. Can you see the hares playing in the field beside us?

So today was a final hoover and a 4 hour ferry trip on the mighty Clansman to get us back to Oban and home to reality.

It is such a treat to be able to get out to Tiree even just for a couple of nights. I can’t wait to get back out again in a few weeks. Although, before then there are a few more adventures to be had. Hopefully some culture in Dundee next week, a weekend in a magical field in Aboyne the week after then I think we are into June - woop woo!

Thank you for reading to the end and have a good Sunday afternoon xx

Easter is often a time to reflect and even though we did not manage to get a family trip to church this year we did reflect on the Easter story as we painted and rolled our eggs down the hill.

The family gathered for an Easter lunch at mum and dads which was so much fun as we had 3 of the nieces all together. Children really do bring the joy and craziness to family gatherings! The fourth niece (my Daisy) was back down at uni to be with her horse and work on her assignments so was missed greatly but the gaggle of labradors, a sausage dog, 3 siblings and 3 wee girls made up for any absence!

Weather - we had snow, frost, gales, rain and a large dollop of sunshine

Food - we had venison casserole, home made meringues, big breakfasts, delicious roast lamb and plenty of chocolate eggs

Drinks - we had copious pots of tea, g&t’s, champagne, and the finest red wine from Kenneth on the Saturday night and dad at lunch on the Sunday.

Easter bonnets - After attempting to help Ingrid with the super glue my sister had to explain how to stick the flowers and eggs on. (She is the one who went to art school - not me 😂) Needless to say Ingrid and I had everything stuck to our fingers but we all made fabulous bonnets!

Walks - we looked like we were either off on a shoot with the amount of gun dogs or off to the dog park when they were all set free in the big field! Spot little Peggy the sausage dog having a play too 💕

Reflections - Family is everything. It is good for the soul to have us all together. We were missing brother Dougie and my daughter Daisy as it is hard to get us all in the one place! Also, now that the weather is actually a little warmer we can now start to get going with the new pony Blossom. I can’t wait for Daisy to come back from uni with her horse and we can go off hacking round the farm together!

Thank you for reading to the end. I hope it is some light relief from the awful news I keep hearing on the radio today xx

We dressed up in our best tweeds, donned hats with pheasant feathers and headed off to the train station in Gloucester. Everyone was on such a high and excited it was brilliant. Just like getting the train to Murryfield to watch the rugby but there were no kilts about!

The ladies all looked amazing in the Holland Cooper trenches and Fairfax & Favor boots while the gents donned tweed suits and caps.

Cheltenham is famous for the Cheltenham roar when the races are on. Wow. It was such an atmosphere. The horses looked stunning. Glossy chestnuts and the occasional grey. They looked glorious when we saw them go around the collecting ring. We managed to get to the finish line and see them come over. The roar of the hooves, the cheers from the crowd. It was amazing.

We did of course find the Moet & Chandon tent which Duggie questioned but it had to be done. I also seemed to give all my cash to the lovely Scottish bookies that we found. You know you have lost every time when you hand over your last five pound note to put a bet on the last race and he takes the bet and gives me the five pounds back 😂That is how bad I was. I did read the form and went along the theory of betting on any horse that Willie Mullins trained but I need to try harder! Daisy did really well which was fun for her. Duggie and my mum also got a win on Gaelic Warrior who ran in the Gold Cup race so that was brilliant.

After the race we walked back with the crowds into Cheltenham and met Daisy’s friends. The place was buzzing with excitement from the day with everyone dancing and singing. We managed to keep going until 1am when Duggie decided that was enough as we had somehow found ourselves in a club which was hilarious. His astonishment at my technical skills when I got an Uber was funny as there is no such thing as Uber with us up here. We just have 2 taxi drivers. Anyway, we got back safe and in one piece to our accommodation in Gloucester.

The morning met me with a thumping headache and an aching body from the miles we had walked and of course all the drinks and fun we had had. But we pulled ourselves together as we had promised that we would meet Daisy and go to see her horse and walk with her while she rode. Two paracetamol and a bottle of lucozade later I was alive again and found myself walking down the street in the sun to meet her to take us the the yard.

I kid you not. I know that where we live is always a bit behind in the seasons but it was such a wonderful feeling to see blue skies, feel a bit of heat on my face and to see daffodils and blossom. We got to the yard and it really is such a quintessentially English country life that it should be in County Life magazine. I love this yard. It is a professional eventing yard with an olympian eventer who owns and runs it and it is simply gorgeous. The magnolia and cherry blossoms are in full bloom. People were coming and going in and out with smiles on their faces and having lovely hacks. Vittoria headed off in her lorry to run a hunt clinic and here is Daisy’s horse happy in her stable munching hay and snoozing. My heart was full of love.

She got tacked up and gave me the option of either jumping in the arena or hacking to the church and back which is about 40 mins. Now the thought of hacking along narrow country roads would normally give me the fear but I had given up all my fears that I had for Daisy as she is in charge of what she does down here and has been here with her horse for 2 years now so said lets go for a walking hack as its such a nice day and the Chelsea will appreciate a leg stretch and change of scenery.

Off we went. We past the most gorgeous cottage with labradors (that didn’t bark at us!), hens and an array of birds that I didn’t know what they were. Blossom out on the trees and hedges full of bird life. Some absolutely stunning huge houses that looked immaculate and again that I only really see in the pages of Country Life or the The Field magazine. People we walked past all greeted us with smiles. The cars drove really slowly past us giving Chelsea loads of space and smiled and waved too. We walked down to the church which again took my breath away with its beauty and the surrounding views. Now, I know what you are thinking. I was hungover and havering. Not at all. I can deal with hangovers and get rid of them quickly. This was filling my heart up with happiness and joy.

I reflected that it had been such a crappy winter and even when I left on Thursday it was blowing an absolute hoolie of a gale and pouring with rain so this was a massive contrast. A huge contrast from freezing fingers, a constant drip at the end of my nose, damp feet and wet hair stuck to my face.

I breathed it in. Lots of deep breaths in fact as it was uphill on the way back from the church and I was trying to keep the conversation up with Daisy’s boyfriend without sounding too unfit or out of breath! He is lovely and didn’t mind as he just kept talking about the rugby coming up that afternoon!

Anyway, I guess what the point of this is that I adore where Daisy is with her horse and friends. It is simply stunning and it was so good to fill my bucket up with joy, blossom and happiness. I am also so happy that she is happy which makes it even more of a blue sky day.

I am back home now to the cold and the wind. No daffodils yet but there are green spiky things poking out the ground in places so they are coming. My bucket is full so will get me through the week.

Thank you for reading to the end xx

The hospital visits

I took my brother to two different hospitals in Glasgow last week which was an adventure in itself. The M8 is horrendous and pretty much a car park in the mornings and afternoons so we cut off at Stirling and went cross country. All good so far and we found the first hospital. It is always very strange going somewhere new in a city that you grew up in but we had to be serious and not get lost as he was finally getting to meet a proper consultant. All good with the consultant chat then we found the X ray department. I am aware that hospitals bring in all sorts of people from all parts of the area but is it really OK to delve into a full meal in a waiting room? One guy sat eating a sandwich, crisps, biscuits - the works while I tried to not freak out over the crunching and crumb dropping. I had to stop my inner matron from telling him off as we are in an actual clinical hospital. Is that just me?! I know. I know. I was just deflecting from the fact that I was waiting on my brother and was so worried for him. I also had no control over what he was going through. X rays done we drove over to the next hospital. Somewhere near Loch Lomond. Again, not a hospital we had been to before. We drove up and parked and went to find the maternity unit as apparently the endoscopy unit is in the same building. Cue both my brother and I having flashbacks and funny/not funny horror stories of our experiences with rubbish births. It did make us laugh though as the hospital looked like the hospitals we knew from the 70’s and 80’s. We were back in time so warned each other not to drink the water in case of legionnaires disease or breathe near the roof because of asbestos. You really have to go dark with the humour when you are freaking out about your brother getting a tube with a camera and robot scraping things stuck down his throat. Deflect from reality at all times with humour is our family go to. Once we had passed the heavily pregnant women sitting in the waiting room and gave them hugely empathic vibes as what they were about to go through is hell on earth we got the lift to the 4th floor and endoscopy. We were met by a lovely nurse who whisked my nervous brother away and assured me he would be fine and to come back at 3pm. Ooft. OK. There is nothing I can now do. I went off to find the shop and get a sandwich and cup of tea. Now really. This is an actual hospital with actual people in it so I would have thought it would have had an actual shop like Ninewells hospital in Dundee has. There was no selection of flowers, presents, newspapers etc just a choice of 3 sandwiches and a good crisp option. No sign of tea or coffee. Not to worry. Once I had by passed the sandwich that said cheese (vegan) - no thank you. What even is vegan cheese made of? There was also a funny looking ham sandwich so I settled on the most likely to not kill me option of tuna with a packet of walkers crisps and went back to the car. I know you may be thinking that I am a hypocrite for eating in the car after I endured the man eating in the x ray waiting room but at least it is in private and I didn’t drop any crumbs. A couple of hours passed and I went up to get my brother. He came out accompanied by the nurse and I rushed up and gave him a huge hug. ‘You made it!’ They both laughed. ‘of course I did’ he said. The drive back up the road was filled with stories of how he watched them actually do the endoscopy for a bit and how he is very drugged up. All I could do was drive safely, listen and keep offering him lucozade. The what is going on and the why will hopefully be answered in a few weeks…

The news

What now seems to be my thinking anytime I hear the news or open my phone to a news alert. What has Trump done now? What is Israel doing? What? Why? Is there a plan? What about all the innocent people involved in all the countries? How long will this last? Why can’t people negotiate and be kind? What? Why?…

My friend comes for a coffee

I haven’t seen this particular friend for a while so when she asked if she could come around for a coffee. I was delighted. However, her news was not good. She is leaving her husband as he has been lying to her for years. What he has been doing is awful but it is her that has to move out, close her business and start again. What? Why?

The good news was that we got our first 5pm gin and tonic in the sun this week! Home made Findowie Gin too. I think I really like this particular batch.

The days are getting longer and we have even had glimpses of sunshine and warmer weather. The oyster catchers, lapwings and curlews are all back so a good sign of warmer more joyous days to come.

Who knows what will come up next and why but hopefully it will be more joyous and happier things.

Thank you for reading to the end x

Mum and dad asked me to join them for a Burns supper last night which I did (duggie is away) It was so much fun as we had mum’s own smoked salmon to start then haggis, neeps and tatties. The haggis was our own home made haggis from Duggie’s family haggis factory so kind of locally caught in Forfar if you think of it that way!

Dad did grace, toasted the haggis, did the immortal memory and toasted the lassies. Mum and I replied on behalf of the lassies and I wrote my own little ode in the style of Burns. I am sure Rabbie Burns would roll his eyes if he ever heard my words but it is all in the spirit of good fun and when everyone else has a dram in their hand it will always be fine!

An Ode to my Bonnie Labrador

Oh Bonnie Labrador with coat so shiny

Ye follow me always - even doon the cludgie

Wi eyes so dark and deep

You make my heart gae week

Ye flush the pheasants up with so much energy and glee

I often wonder - ‘how can this be?!’

Both of us covered in mud. Soaked to the skin

There is no deeper love I’ve ever felt from within

Wi your waggy tail and massive paws

I’m always greeted with such applause

Never angry. Always happy as Larry

You bless my life always

I love you Harry xxx

So slàinte to you all. Happy Burns night and remember to have your haggis tonight.

Now, there has not been any bad news, nobody got hurt and the headlines around the world are still terrible and much worse than my afternoon which puts it all into perspective. (That is the disclaimer for my mum in case she reads this!) However, I have had to resist the urge to light the fire and pour a large gin before 5pm!

The day started well enough at 4am when Duggie turned the bedside light on and made himself a coffee. He was off to catch the 7am ferry to the Isle of Tiree to put the gutters up on the house and take measurements for the stairs. All good. I put my head under the covers and went back to sleep. I then got myself up at 7:30am, fed the dogs, cat and the ponies. The ice has finally gone so I thought this is brilliant. I will get my first ride on the ponies for the year this afternoon. I had an appointment in Perth in Specsavers at 10:30am so got myself sorted for that. It is 40mins into Perth so off I went.

On arrival at Specsavers I sat down and the lady presented me with my glasses. Then she held up the broken lens that I had given her to be replaced and said that she had been wondering what happened. It looked like I had been shot as there was a perfect hole through the lens. I explained how one of my over enthusiastic Labradors had greeted me when I came out the shower grinning from one floppy ear to the other as she was so chuffed with herself as she had my glasses and obviously knew I would need them. I had said thank you and gently took them from Ella’s mouth only to find she had been so happy with her find that she had gripped a little too tightly and popped her tooth through one of the lenses. To be fair, this happened a couple of months ago but it takes me an age to do anything that involves going into Perth basically because it feels so far away and we take our lives in our hands trying to cross the A9 at Dunkeld. I left Specsavers feeling suitably chuffed with myself for actually getting the glasses fixed so popped into Primark and bought some jumpers that were half price to celebrate my wonderful adulting. I also found one that my mum will love so bought her one too.

On the way back to the car I did that little dance that we do sometimes with a stranger. I was crossing the road at a junction when a lady decided to go one way and I went the same way which then ensued in a little polite shuffle dance in the middle of the road. I laughed and she laughed too so I felt happy as I always think it is lovely when strangers are very polite and British then end up in a muddle. It could be that I just haven’t been off the farm often enough to know the rules of avoiding bumping into people. Some city training may be required for my trip to London with my sister in a few weeks.

All good so far

I drove up the road and when I got home took a phone call from Duggie who said that the ferry had tried to get into the Isle of Coll but the swell was so bad that they let go of the warps and the ferry backed out away at speed before any of the poor Coll people and cars could get off! He said the captain was going to give it a go in Tiree but he didn't think it sounded good as the sea had quite a swell. Tiree is a 4 hour ferry journey from Oban so definitely more of a commitment than my trip to Perth. I guess Duggie’s day was about to take a turn as was mine.

The sun had actually decided to vaguely show itself so it didn't feel dark for a change and I think it was a not completely freezing 4C so definitely time to get the ponies and go for a ride. I brought in Brodie first. He is my grey Highland pony. We tacked up and off we went for a small hack as I didn’t want to do too much as we hadn’t ridden since Hogmanay. The ground was squelchy but the sun was shining, there was no wind and it was dry. Also - no flies as it is January. Woop woop. This was great. I was so happy to be back on board with my pony and the dogs running alongside me.

All good.

We got back to the stables and I did his stretches and gave him lots of cuddles and scratches then went to get Betsy for her turn. Now, the past few weeks of December saw Brodie getting himself into a right old state whenever I disappeared on a hack or into the arena with Betsy but I had been taking them in and out the field over the snowy weeks to get him used to her leaving and coming back. I brought her in and gave her a good brush all the while keeping an eye on Brodie to make sure he didn’t start pacing. He was up the top end of the field happily munching grass while keeping an eye on us.

All good.

However, as I got onto Betsy he appeared at the gate and started pacing. I thought I will just go around the pond so he can see us at all times. A little pacing is fine and probably good for him. However, he started charging around the field. Throwing his back legs into some funky moves and moving with speed that I have never seen before. He is 23 and a bit stiff so this was a surprise to know he had so much energy. I walked along the side of the field on Betsy with the dogs while he charged about and basically about 100 metres from the field Brodie was in. He was not for stopping and was now churning up great chunks of the field with his panicking and running about. Good grief! Betsy was as chilled as you like and I swear she almost rolled her eyes at him as he was seriously in full panic mode. However, I thought he is going to either hurt himself or give himself a heart attack so we turned and returned back to the stables where he continued to be in full flight mode. Jeeso. Brodie! I went over and spoke to him and brought him out to walk up and down a little and so he could see Betsy and calm him down. I popped them both back in and they acted as if nothing had happened. The only evidence being a churned up field and a sweaty grey highland pony that was covered in mud from his speedy off roading.

Time for lunch and a cup of tea. I come through the door of the house and start taking my wellies off when Harry (the other Labrador) decides to be sick on the floor.

Everything is certainly unraveling now.

I can’t get one welly off. My other foot without the welly is now getting wet in a puddle and the dogs have run outside as they feel bad about the sick. The sick was just water with what looked like whole rabbit poos. He must have been hoovering up the field without even chewing. Right. Fine. Clean that up, grab a sandwich and check my emails. I discover that the course I am doing tonight though Glasgow University requires me to have enrolled and I can’t get the Moodle thing to work. Argh. It was all going so well this morning.

I decide to step away from the laptop as no matter what way I try it isn’t suddenly going to accept my logins. I head back out to the field and Duggie calls to say that he is on his way back to Oban on the ferry. They had attempted to port. They had the warps on and were securely attached to Tiree but the captain decided that the swell was too much so they cast off again and he was heading home.

At least it was not just me and Brodie having a rubbish afternoon.

Duggie basically got up at 4am to travel by car and ferry to an island in the Hebrides only to have the ferry turn around and come back again. I just had a highland pony with anxious attachment issues and a hope that I will get onto my course tonight and one welly that will not come off.

Only joking, I have dry socks and my cosy bargain price new jumper on so life is actually all good again. Hopefully the shenanigans with the ponies and dogs tomorrow will be less eventful. Also, wish me luck with Glasgow Uni tonight!

Thank you for reading to the end x

I guess that is where therapy helps. Having someone there once a week to give you space and help you process your feelings. It is also where having one or two good friends that you know you can rely on is helpful too. If you have a friend who you know lives alone but has a full working life and social life that they look like they have it all sorted but they ask to pop in for a coffee then make sure to give space for that coffee or 20 minute walk as you never know. Say good morning and chat about the weather to the elderly lady at the bus stop. I usually find that these conversations lead to some wonderful stories but most of all it shows the lady that she has been seen and heard. That counts. You could be the only person they speak to that day. Be that person as I am sure there will be days when you need it too.

As always the animal world shows us patterns clear as day. Brodie our Highland pony has recently been getting stressed any time I leave to ride our other pony Betsy. Now, Brodie is 23 and a bit arthritic so I know that movement is good for him but cantering and charging about the field while I go off on a little half hour hack is no good for him. Especially as he gets himself all stressed and sweaty. I just panic about stress colic or any other catastrophe that he could get himself into. It is clear that he is very attached to Betsy. In counselling terms he has an insecure attachment as he panics every time she leaves the field such as a child with an insecure attachment would cry every time its mother left the room until she came back. This is not a great situation to have on the farm when it is only myself around to ride at the moment. In discussion with the wonderful Tania Kindersley from The Place of Peace and my brilliant coach Ruth we came up with a plan that seems to be working so far. I love Brodie to bits but cannot stop riding Betsy just because he wants to be with her all the time.

I have been spending time with Brodie in the field building his confidence up again by playing over a pole, matching steps and standing with him etc. I’ve also had him in for lots of attention, grooming and scratches. On Wednesday Ruth and I hacked both ponies out for a ride together then took Brodie into the arena while I had my lesson on Betsy. He just strolled about quite happily and Betsy just had to avoid the big fluffy obstacle that was Brodie while I rode. The funny part was when Ruth went to film my dressage test. (I entered an online dressage competition where you send your test in online) She is the other side of the arena fence holding Brodie by his lead rope in one hand and filming me with her other hand. Brodie is munching away at the grass. Ruth did laugh as she said it might be a bit wobbly in places due to juggling the phone camera and Brodie. What she didn’t realise was that the microphone picked up the munching and it sounded like she was munching a packet of biscuits all the way through when in fact it was Brodie the hairy Highland munching the grass! Anyway, we shall see what sort of result I get next week 😂

Today I got Duggie to walk with Brodie while I rode Betsy out on a hack and that worked well. Both ponies were super chilled and got a bit of exercise. I just need to now figure out how to lead Brodie myself from Betsy without him tanking off with me to the other side of the farm for grass!

I think that what this post is saying is that Brodie needs a friend more than ever at the moment. He is probably still grieving the loss of Freddie from earlier in the year and wondering where Chelsea went a few months ago. Chelsea is down in Gloucester with Daisy at University so will be back in May but I don’t know how to tell Brodie that. It is no wonder that he loves Betsy and has become so attached to her. I will do all that I can to get his confidence back in himself and start doing little hacks on Betsy where we are in sight of the field and make them longer and longer so he knows we are still close by.

To conclude, I would say to keep being kind to others and to yourself. Also, remember to reach out to someone if you are feeling lonely and need a friend. Try not to panic and run about in full canter like Brodie did. Just lift the phone or message your favourite person.

Thank you for reading to the end x

We headed out of Crieff towards Crianlarich then left down towards Loch Lomond. The mountains were snow capped and the roads were quiet. We were chatting all the way and having a thoroughly lovely time. Every now and then one of us would exclaim “oh my goodness. Look at that!” We live and have always lived in Scotland but that day and the next were the kind of days where Scotland showed its true beautiful rugged colours and showed itself off.

We drove through Loch Lomond and turned off at Luss towards the Rest and Be Thankful which is known for closing a lot because of land slides. Again the views were stunning and we eventually made it to the sea. Again. Stunning!

What got me though was not only the stunning views but the fact that I was really enjoying driving. I realised that I was having the best time driving along with good craic between us. I was really enjoying listening to the engine when I put my foot down and loving the clear and empty roads. The roar of the car engine gave me tingles and I did let out a “woo hoo” every now and then as it was so much fun. I think that I had forgotten that I used to enjoy driving. So often recently I drive to the Dunkeld junction of the A9 and have butterflies in my tummy as it is such a scary crossing where we really do take our lives in our hands trying to get across safely in the summer. Too many lives have been lost on the A9 and this sits heavily with many of us. The roads are so much more busier than I remember years ago. The long drives that I have done the past few years have been down the M74, M6 and M5 to Gloucester which really is not that much of a fun drive. Yes, the Yorkshire dales are beautiful but as soon as I hit Lancaster it all seems so fast and busy. The other drives have been where I am driving a 5 tonne horse box which is just horrible on the twisty back roads let alone on a motorway. The drive over to Oban to get the ferry to Tiree is usually stunning but it is just a drive to get the ferry so I usually have a car full to the gunnels with dogs, food and furniture for the new house squeezed into every space. Therefore, this drive with my friend was really special as we were in no rush and it was a joy to drive a lovely car on a good weather day for a few hours.

I guess it was a lovely reminder to myself that the simple things in life don’t always have to be a chore but can be a joy too.

Broom broom. I wonder when I can borrow a cool car again for a fun drive to somewhere lovely or for an adventure?!

I do feel an adventure brewing. What could possibly go wrong…

Thank you for reading to the end of my ramblings.

We live on a moor and it is a misty, damp and dreich day so it really does feel very Scottish and also very quiet which is unusual. The only bird life around the pond at the moment are the ducks. The geese have not come back as yet. All the others such as the oyster catchers, swallows, curlews and lapwings have done the flit to their warmer and probably drier winter retreats. I do not blame them but I do miss their noise and kerfuffle on the farm.

I took this little video this morning and all I can hear is a roaring stag in the distance.

The quiet and stillness this morning got me thinking about how I miss my daughter while she is away at University. She was home at the weekend and is away again now. Daisy brings a car full of noise in the form of friends and her horse too in the summer. They are so much fun and fill the house with laughter and nonsense. I get to cook up big pots of macaroni & cheese or venison casseroles. I love to fill them up so they are sent on their way back down to Gloucester with full, happy tummies. Off to spread their wings and live their lives.

I guess being with them reminded me of my childhood growing up in Glasgow where there were 6 of us in the one house. I am the oldest and used to put on performances with my brothers and sister. This would usually end up with my dad saying yet again ‘don’t call us we’ll call you!’. As you can imagine none of us ended up in theatre but we all have great imaginations! We also had a radio station where we would do our own jingles and adverts. We would interview my mum and each other. Then of course there were the dens, trying to play tennis in the garden, football on the road and generally messing about with our bikes pretending they were horses in the street. We would come in at night when the street lights came on. Yes. These were the days before phones and we only had 4 channels on the TV. I am that old.

I think about how my mum must have felt when we finally all left home and went travelling or to university. It must have been quiet. Maybe she could finally get the hoover into ‘The Slum’. This was the name my dad gave to the part of the house that I shared with my brothers. It was one big bedroom when I was little then they split it into three rooms with me having the mezzanine above the boys bedrooms. The entrance to it was always a mountain of Kenneth’s rugby kit and had a scent of its own! My sister originally slept up there but turfed me out of my bedroom so she could study for her Highers. This is still a bone of contention as I was studying for my finals at uni and had to share a part of the house with my smelly twin brothers. It was so much fun though! No wonder mum loves it when we now fill her house with noise, grand children and labradors.

Wine Wednesday is a firm fixture on our weekly calendar where I pop down to see mum and dad as they live on the farm now. I cycle down with a bottle of wine and we get a catch up. I am sure mum enjoys me popping down to see her as much as I enjoy it when Daisy comes home for the odd weekend. I bring wine and noise and so does Daisy. The apple does not fall far from the tree that is for sure.

I guess it is no wonder that I surround myself with dogs and ponies. I no longer live in Glasgow with the buses rumbling by but in a beautiful farm that changes how it looks and moves depending on the weather. I always loved wildlife. Even in the middle of Glasgow we were surrounded by nature. I used to sit on the front door step and watch the starlings fly then settle on the trees at twilight. They were amazing. The noise and the patterns they made were beautiful. The squirrels in the park were fed monkey nuts by Granny and I on a Sunday afternoon and we always had labradors as part of the family too. I never dreamt in a million years that I would be lucky enough to live on a farm and have actual ponies, hens and Highland cows.

The silence and mist on the farm this morning was stunning. Another day where the farm colours change, the stillness in the air before the rain comes through and the simpleness of it all slows everything down.

Thank you for reading my ramblings though until the end x

As a counsellor I work with clients who have experienced trauma or have PTSD so am well aware of what happens in flight, fight, freeze and fawn modes and how it affects our bodies. I have watched many Warwick Schiller videos and follow Tania Kindersley’s Place of Peace so feel that I have a good connection with Brodie so this was a good test to see what happens.

We were literally doing one of the hacks that we have done a hundred times over the years. A wee daunder down one of the tracks past the pond with Ella the Labrador accompanying us. (Harry is still a bit shoogly on his legs so he had stayed behind to keep the sofa warm.) Brodie was stomping along the track at a good pace and I was doing a little flexion to the left and to the right to stretch his body while we went. All of a sudden he stopped in his tracks. ‘You all right?’ I asked. ‘Do you need a poo?’ (As a parent of not only a child but a responsible adult to dogs and ponies too this is always a good question as sometimes all they need is a poo and life is good again!) He was standing absolutely solid though and I could feel the tension through him. I couldn’t see what had his attention. Suddenly, in the far distance on the other side of the river on the road, I saw a glimpse of pink high viz. There was a cyclist in bright pink that he was not approving of. They disappeared behind the trees then appeared again. ‘Oh Brodie, it is a cyclist in bright pink. They will be away in a minute.’ I spoke to him reassuring him that all was well and that they were not a sabre tooth tiger dressed in high viz with wheels. He would usually give himself a shake, try and eat some grass and we would carry on but no. Not this time. I could feel his heart beating hard so tried to do some flexion to move his body and get him back to me and back to his usual happy state of mind but he was solid. I couldn’t move his neck. He was so tense. I then felt a shift and a rise in his energy and knew he was just about to spin and run back to Betsy and the field so I hopped off and spoke to him. I tried to get him to move his feet forward. I got him to do ‘back back’ (More commonly known as rein back but I seem to have found my own words for these kind of things) so he moved his feet a little then started to jig jog. ‘OK, Brodie let’s move around and breathe.’ He just would not come back to me and had gone from freeze mode into full flight mode. ‘OK, that is fine. I hear you.’ I plopped the stirrups up and we walked towards another track that took us back to the pond. I did not want to turn around and go the way he came in case he thought that was what we did in the future. Just run back when we get scared. Ella looked at me and practically shrugged her shoulders as if to say ‘I don’t know. You got this.’ So, off we went with my jig joggy pony at one side, Ella keeping her distance but a watchful eye on us and me singing ABBA and Christmas carols to him while getting him to slow up. Stop. Walk. Slow. Stop. Walk. Breathe Brodie. And then back into ‘Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, why do I not know the words to thee.’ I thought that would make him laugh but ABBA seemed to work with ‘money, money, money, you’re so funny in a rich mans world.’ By the time we got to the stony track and 100 metres from home he finally lowered his head and breathed. I took him into the field. Untacked him and got him moving to make sure the stress was not still being held all tight in his body. He was fine though and looking for his tea in no time.

Is it anti cycling to ask the council to put a sign up as you come off the A9 saying ‘Please no pink high viz cyclists on this road as it scares Brodie’ - I am only joking of course but if you do have a pink high viz cycling jacket please think of Brodie and his fear of potential sabre toothed tigers disguised as cyclists.

Thank you for reading to the end.

The putting your feet up advice in particular came from so many people just before I gave birth and it drove me mad. I had worked and been busy all my life so could not even begin to comprehend what this resting up thing was all about. The guilt that was laden in buckets onto myself (by myself of course) was huge if I even thought about turning the TV on during the day. If I dared to think about putting me and my big pregnant belly onto the sofa for a rest the inner monologue was so awful that I just kept moving and didn’t stop.

When we go on holiday we are moving and ‘doing’ all the time. I love sailing, surfing, swimming, skiing, walking the dogs, biking (although only cycling if it is to the Tiree distillery or for a wine lunch otherwise there is no point in biking) I absolutely have the best fun on holiday and I do have fun and relax in daily life. I promise that I do practise mindfulness and go to The Place of Peace with the ponies but I have never actually taken a day off to relax. Apart from when I had covid one New Year and I was banished into the spare room by Daisy and Duggie. Yes - I felt pretty rough but I slept and slept. I read and read. I watched everything that I wanted to watch on Netflix etc that nobody else will watch with me so it was actually a nice wee break even though I felt pretty bleugh.

Now that Daisy is back at university I have been doing lots of riding and getting Betsy fit which is a lovely feeling for both of us. Duggie came to find me at the stables on Sunday night as he had fed the dogs and was worried that Harry was really wobbly on his back legs. He found me sitting on the mounting block in the late afternoon sun having a cup of tea. (I was allowing myself to sit and chill as I had been busy and deserved a break - just to justify my tea break.) You can see where this is going…

We went back to the house and called the vet as Harry’s eyes were not right along with his shoogly back legs. We were advised that he will be OK and it will take a few hours to pass. All I had done was walk back, sit on the sofa with Harry to call the vet and then I started to feel weird. I started to feel a bit sicky so stood up to get a glass of water. By the time I had walked to the table I felt light headed so put my head between my knees. Harry then gets worried about me so shoogles over and I tell Duggie to look after Harry. I then go to get a water from the kitchen and pass out on the floor. How utterly embarrassing. I was only out for a couple of seconds but had already started dreaming and thought that I was in a deep sleep as I came around under the sink. I could tell Duggie was panicking but assured him I was fine and not to call 101 but to call our neighbour who is a nurse. She was wonderful and whizzed around so fast with her medical bag and checked my blood pressure etc. She then insisted we go to A&E. Now being the stoic daughter of a NHS mother, midwife auntie and surgeon grandfather I never ever go to A&E or the doctor so this took a big push.

We popped Harry and Ella into the kennel so they were safe and happy (Harry’s eyes were already getting better) then drove down to Perth. I kid you not when I say that I would get lost going anywhere as Duggie dropped me off at the door to A&E while he parked and I couldn’t find my way in. Here I was feeling all jittery and lightheaded trying so hard to find the door to A&E. Honestly, it took a lot to not just sit on the pavement and cry as I felt so awful - I don’t think I could find my way out a paper bag at that point of the night!

To cut to the chase. I got taken in quickly and was checked over so thoroughly. I felt like a F1 car as the nurses worked away and did their checks - it was all so slick. I was plugged into the machine to check my heart (I did think that I was a car getting jumped started as there were wee wires all over the place!) temperature check in my ear, something on one finger and then ‘Oh’ said the nurse. ‘your blood sugar is really low.’ I actually breathed a sigh of relief as I felt validated. I am not good at asking for help or for admitting when I don’t feel right so this was a good sign as I didn’t want them to think that I was just a middle aged woman who felt a bit faint. Pass the smelling salts.

They then checked my bloods and all was good after they gave me tea and toast - I feel so British being fixed up and sent home again after tea and toast. However, it worked!

Anyway, the end of the story is that I was told to take it easy for a few days by the doctor and nurses. For the first time in my life I did exactly that.

I pulled the handbrake and stopped.

I did the basics of feeding the ponies and poo picking but curled up on the sofa with Harry and Ella and drank tea and watched the last episodes of Carrie and friends in And Just Like That then I felt better.

I feel like I lost my super power but have it back again which is a relief. However, I will appreciate that it can be taken away so quickly. I also bought a blood sugar monitor and have lots of lucozade in the cupboard in case it happens again.

I think I have also learned that it is OK to allow myself to pull the handbrake on life every now and then. The world will not stop spinning but my head will spin unless I pull the handbrake up.

And just like that I finally learned why ‘the people’ say to take it easy.

Thank you for reading to the end.

I always feel there is so much to do and that I really couldn’t leave the animals behind. However, Daisy and Duggie both assured me that I needed a few days away and that the horses and dogs would be fine. Daisy is back down South at University so Duggie was left in charge.

I was heading off with a couple of school friends to Spain. We were hiring a car and I was to drive to the villa. I have driven throughout the Alps since my early 20’s so this was not a problem. However, I was slightly worried about why we needed a car when we got there as surely the beach was close by and there were restaurants close too. It turned out that we were heading to a beautiful villa high in the hills with its very own swimming pool. Absolutely gorgeous and with a stunning view to the far away sea.

I do have to say that I have never been on a holiday like it before as I actually got to relax. This really did feel like the first time in a long, long time that I had truly relaxed. At one point it felt as if every molecule of my body had loosened and the tension I didn’t know I was holding had drifted off towards the sun.

We chatted and laughed.

We swam and floated.

We ate delicious fresh fruit and breads.

This was accompanied by plenty of tasty local wine, a light breeze and glorious sunshine.

Just sublime.

However… I was surprised to find that I was missing home. I missed Duggie and the animals. I knew Duggie had everything under control and that the Autumn weather would be hitting soon so to enjoy the here and now but it was still a pang that I had never really felt before. I had a word with myself. Notice it, feel it and let it go. That worked as I knew it wasn’t homesickness or anything over dramatic. Just a feeling of appreciating home so I made a note to myself that it was there.

When we got back to Glasgow Airport and said our goodbyes I was really looking forward to driving north back to Perthshire. As I drove onto the farm road I was met by a little gang of partridge, then a couple of hares ran up the track in front of me. I could honestly feel my heart burst. I had spoken to my dad whilst in Alicante airport to ask if he could take the dogs out as Duggie was away for the day. Mum and dad live on the farm in the converted steading so often help with the dogs. Dad had sounded down on the phone as one of his friends had suddenly died. Mum had also come down with a dose of shingles so I bought mum her favourite perfume to cheer her up and dad a big bottle of duty free gin. I couldn’t wait to see them too. Once I had driven up to the house and fed the horses and given them hugs I went to see mum and dad. The dogs were so excited to see me. It was as if I had been away for a year! Dad said I was like a breath of fresh air. He never says anything like that as he is a traditional stoic west coaster who doesn’t really share his feelings so I hugged them tight and told them my stories of the few days away.

When I got back to the house, Duggie was home and my tummy flipped with love to see him. I had missed him so much. I missed my home and every two legged and four legged breathing thing that lives here. I often struggled with where my true heart home was as I never really felt settled when I lived in the village of Dunkeld compared to Glasgow but living on the farm is definitely it. My heart home is here in Findowie with my lovely Duggie, Daisy, mum, dad and all the creatures great and small that I share it with.

Thank you for reading my ramblings to the end x

Here is a link to the area we stayed in - just in case you were interested.

https://www.comunitatvalenciana.com/en/alacant-alicante/altea

The Summer has been filled with a wonderful and love filled wedding, trips to Tiree, the Tiree music festival, house building, a 75th birthday, British Eventing adventures, BBQ’s, swims in the river, wine on the beach, helping my brother move into his new home with his family and even a trip to the theatre to see The Great Gatsby. When I write it down like that no wonder it has been so busy and time has gone so fast. I guess the main thing is that we spent time and continue to spend time with friends and family. Time really is marching on so it is important to take time with the ones that we love.

On the farm the little Highland cow calves are not so little any more. They are really growing up as are the deer calves. Boris the bull that we rented out will be away back to his original home again soon so hopefully the cows will all be pregnant again for another year. The stags are looking absolutely resplendent with their huge beautiful antlers at the moment. They will be let up the hill soon for the rutting season to start. The sound of the roaring stags in the Autumn always gives me tingles! The bird life around the farm is certainly a lot quieter at the moment as the oyster catchers, curlews and lapwings seem to have left. The swallows are still swooping and gliding around which is a wonderful sight. The short eared owl is busy screeching and keeping the small rodent population down. I always stop to watch when he swoops down past us as it is so special to be able to see an owl. No doubt the geese will be back soon and the pond will be full of activity and noise again. There has been so little rain this Summer that the river and pond are both so low but I am sure the rain will come back with force as it always does and we will be soaked through. It really has been such a treat to have had so many sunny days this summer and to be able to feel the sun on my skin has been brilliant.

Daisy competed at Scone Horse Trials on Wednesday which was a day and a half. We walked the cross country course on the Tuesday evening and I thought it was a big ask. It was quite a twisty course with a lot of jumps of different levels all mixed together. The dressage went well and Chelsea did not throw in any funky moves then Daisy fell off in the show jumping warm up as she spooked when a horse came to close to her. Daisy brushed herself off and was checked by the doctor before being allowed to do her round. All good. Just one pole. Then onto the cross country. We knew it was going to be hard but Daisy felt confident after jumping a couple of warm up jumps and decided to go for it. Off they went. I stood at the start/finish area listening to the commentator as she went round. I felt sick to my stomach. I never worry too much but this time I was. I tried not to think of the worst and was willing them over each jump until the commentator said that Daisy had fallen off. I could hear him saying that she was up and walking about so ok but I had to get to them. They were at jump 10 so miles away. It is incredible how as a mum you can run and run when I haven’t done any form of running in years! I found them as they had just been checked by the paramedic and asked if Chelsea was OK. They were both fine. Such a relief. I loosened Chelsea’s girth and gave them both a big hug before we walked off the course. Luckily they were last to go so the course was empty. Back at the horse box Daisy said she missed Freddie. We thought that Freddie would be looking down at them saying ‘good grief Daisy, what are you doing?’ We had a few tears then laughed as we still miss him so much as he taught Daisy so much. He is definitely still with us in spirit and in our hearts. It is now Daisy’s time to love Chelsea and hold her hand to show her how to be brave and have fun. They really have such a lovely bond together. I just need some glue on her jodphur’s to keep her in the seat!

I am on the ferry to Tiree just now for a few days to help out with the house which is exciting as I get to see the floor going down and the kitchen being put together. It is also a bit of a break away which is lovely as it has been so hectic. I just have Ella (the golden Labrador) with me. Harry has a gammy leg so is with Daisy on the farm.

At this time of year I always make a plan for the autumn as it is like going back to school where there are new beginnings in September. I know it is still August and we have a good week left but it always feel after Blair Horse Trials that that is the season over. Blair is sadly no longer but we are so lucky to have Scone Palace pick up the mantel.

Anyway, I will sign off my ramblings for now. I guess this post is about telling the ones that you love that you love them and spending time with them. Reflecting on the busy summer and making a plan for a quieter Autumn.

I am off to make my plans now for the Autumn. I plan on keeping it simple and remembering to be present and breathe.

Here are some links in case you are looking for a hotel in Oban or fancy a visit to Scone Horse Trials this weekend!

https://kelvinhoteloban.co.uk

https://sconehorsetrials.com

https://www.britisheventing.com

The heron on our pond is called Lucy. She reminds me of a friend from school called Lucy who is tall and slim with long legs. She can also have quite a stern stare at times the same as our heron.

Our heron stands so still, tall and serene. She is obviously very intelligent and patient. She knows that if she waits long enough a fish or frog will appear before her and she will pounce. She can then enjoy the winnings for her patience in the form of a delicious little trout or toad.

Lucy my friend is also incredibly clever as she is a psychiatrist and very respected in her field of work.

Sometimes Lucy the heron takes one look at me when I visit the pond. I feel it is the same look of disdain that my school friend used to give me when I said something annoying or silly.

Lucy the heron simply bends her knees, springs in the air and stretches her wings before gliding off majestically down to the river. Away she goes from my random bumbling chat and noisy happiness that I bring to the pond with my dogs.

I do love to notice the different characters from my life come alive in the wildlife of the farm.

Hopefully Lucy the school friend will laugh if she ever reads this!

Thank you for reading to the end, Sammi

The quote ‘She flies with her own wings’ comes from the Latin phrase alis volat propriis. Apparently it is also the motto of the US state of Oregon but for me it is so much more.

For most of my life I have had a recurring dream that I am flying. I am really flying. I can stretch my wings right out to the end of my fingertips. I can feel my shoulders strong and sure. I can feel the feathers of my wings. They are gleaming black and brown with a sheen of green and blue. My lungs are full of air and I am strong.

I can control my flying so I can soar high right up into the sky then dive down and glide across the ocean. It is always the ocean and never over land. This gives me a feeling of absolute freedom. I also feel independent, totally in control and pure joy. It is such a heady mix of emotions but they carry a sure and solid sense of confidence with them.

Sometimes I do fly a bit too high and notice how far away I am from the sea below. I get that light feeling of mild panic in my tummy so I slowly glide back to where I need to be to feel comfortable again.

When I am gliding all I can hear in the silence is the sound of my slow and steady breathing and the light flutter of feathers. When I dive down the wind is in my ears and it is exhilarating.

I am alone but not lonely.

I feel safe, secure, happy and free.

If only I could emulate this strength and confidence in ‘real’ life.

Maybe I can. Maybe I do.

Maybe I can actually fly if I close my eyes and believe…

Maybe. We shall see.

Thank you for reading to the end.